You're Not Alone
by Victoria.Annxx
Summary: Jordan broke Heidi, and now Dean is left to pick up the pieces. Will he be able to save her before she decides it's all too much?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Rescue Special Ops story I have written. I have previously posted it on the Rescue Special Ops fan forum created by MissShawnaAlice, so if there is anybody on the forum who sees this it is the same story. I decided to post it here as well to see if anyone not on the forum likes it as well. If not I will just delete it.

Hope you like it, this is story one in a set of three. They are already written so the updates will be fairly quickly. This is the first story I actually wrote, so it isn't very good.

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HEIDI

Ever since Jordan and I broke up things have been different. Nobody else seems to notice, they just assume that he and I are still friends. We are, in a way. But since I overheard him talking to the surfer girl who we rescued, I have trouble associating 'Jordan' in the same sentence as 'friend'. We were together for 6 months. I know that it isn't a particularly long time but I thought we had something special. If I had known that Jordan just saw me as a 'good time', I would have ended it months ago. I would probably have saved him from having to pretend that he loved me, and having to lie that he wanted something more. But it's over now. The only thing that remains is the pain he causes me, knowing that our relationship wasn't real, and having to watch him with different women every day, because I know that he likes to be with them more than he did with me.  
So when Lara told me that they were all going for a drink, I lied. I told her that I already had plans, because I know that if I had to watch Jordan with another woman I would break. For once in the seven weeks that we had been separated, I wasn't going to think about him and what I had heard him say. I trusted him. I told myself that everything would be okay, that Jordan loved me and he would never hurt me. I don't want to be like this over him. I tell myself that I should forget about it, that he was just saying it to convince himself that he's over me, but deep inside I know. I know that he meant it. Every word. And it's breaking me.

DEAN

Something is wrong with Heidi. She's been different ever since she and Jordan broke up. At first she seemed to be dealing with it okay, but now it's like she's in her own world sometimes. She doesn't go out with Lara anymore on the weekends; Lara herself told me that, so I'm not the only one who has noticed. Jordan is fine with it; he can't have slept with that many women since they broke up if he wasn't. That could be part of the reason that she is finding it hard, the fact that he has managed to move on so quickly and she hasn't. All I know is that she can't go on like this much longer. She's been getting worse recently, and more people are starting to notice that something's up. Michelle has been asking me and Lara to keep an eye on her, and Vince and Chase find it hard to engage her in a conversation with them.  
I don't want to have to bench her because she is one of the best people I know for this job. But I am worried about her and I don't want to lose her. I am going to go round to her house later, because I want to see her out of work in her own space where she feels comfortable. It may make her feel less anxious when I talk to her.

HEIDI AND DEAN

I felt the blood trickling down my arm. It was warm, wet, but it didn't hurt. The glass was on the floor, broken but I wasn't really paying attention to it. I just sat there, staring at it. I heard the doorbell go, and it pulled my eyes to the door. I got up and went to answer it forgetting about the blood, now pouring down my arm and dripping onto the floor. I wasn't expecting Dean to be on the other side.

Heidi: 'Hi.'

Dean: 'Hey, I just wanted to see if you were okay, you didn't come out with us so I thought I'd come round and –'

I followed his gaze to my arm and saw the fear and concern register on his face.

Heidi: 'I dropped a glass, cut myself on one of the pieces.'

Dean: 'Heidi why didn't you call someone! You're losing too much blood, oh dear God.'

I suddenly realise what he is so worried about. The cut reaches from my elbow to my wrist, and is at least a few centimetres deep. I realise that I suddenly feel weak and really light-headed. I feel my body sort of give up and Dean reaches out to support me. He holds my arm tightly as he leads me inside to the sofa, and then runs into the kitchen for a towel which he wraps tightly around the cut which by now is bleeding heavier and faster.

Dean: 'Heidi when did this happen?'

Heidi: 'I don't know, a while ago. It wasn't that bad before.'

Dean: 'Dear God, oh Lord I can't deal with this properly, you need a hospital. Heidi you should have called someone before, you know that these types of cuts can get worse.'

Heidi: 'It didn't hurt. It was warm, and peaceful. Like nothing else mattered anymore.'

He looked up at her, with an alarmed expression on his face.

Dean: 'Heidi, look at me; I need you to keep talking to me okay. Tell me what peaceful was like, Heidi, tell me what it was like.'

I know that she is losing more blood every second, but I can't move her until I make the towel more stable round her arm, so that by moving her, the cut doesn't open wider. It's getting harder for her to stay awake but I am concerned that she found it peaceful afterwards. We all knew something was wrong with her, but this is serious now. Even if she didn't do this deliberately, if it makes her feel like this, she might do it again, and that's what worries me.

AT THE HOSPITAL – DEAN

We arrived at the hospital a couple of hours ago. By that time Heidi could barely walk on her own. They took us through to emergency and after that it happened pretty much all at once. They cleaned and sutured the cut and also gave her a blood transfusion to make up the amount she had lost, which was close to a pint. Afterwards they put us into a private room on a ward, where we are now. She's still out from the sedative, but she should be able to go home tomorrow, with supervision.  
I called Michelle and let her know that we wouldn't be into work for a few days, because I didn't want Heidi on her own, not after what she said back at the house. She understood, and I made sure that nobody else was to know the specifics; just that she had had an accident and would be back at work in a few days. From what Heidi had told me, it was probably just a serious accident, but the fact that she didn't do anything about it could mean something a lot more intentional. Michelle was the only one who needed to know that at this time. But until we knew more, we both agreed that Heidi shouldn't be on her own. She had brought a bag with some of Heidi's things to the hospital, as she was going to stay with me.

When she arrived it was around 1.30am. She had stayed for a bit and then left, but I promised I would call her and let her know how Heidi was doing. I tried to get some sleep afterwards, but couldn't. I just kept thinking about what was going to happen now, how we were going to be able to help Heidi. And the only thing that kept coming into my head was that we wouldn't be able to, unless she asked us to. Unless she trusted us enough to be able to do that. And I knew that Heidi was the only one who could answer that.


	2. Chapter 2

It doesn't look like people actually like this story, so I decided I'd post the rest of the chapters, not that anybody would really care, see what happened and then delete this story. I thought I would at least get a couple of reviews, but apart from one favourite, thank you for that by the way, nobody seems to be interested. I did have two sequels and another story I was going to post, I but I won't bother now.

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IN THE MORNING – HEIDI AND DEAN

I woke up with a headache and didn't really know where I was. Last night slowly starts coming back to me. I suddenly realise that I am in the hospital and it makes me sit up. But as I leant on my left arm I cried out in pain and looked down to see it was covered in dressings and bandages that were slowly turning red. Then I hear Dean's voice.

Dean: 'Hey, it's okay, take it easy you're okay. Heidi, hey it's alright, no don't touch it, a couple of the stitches must have come out. '

Heidi: 'Dean, what's going on? Where am I.'

She started to panic before she remembered the events from last night, and as she looked down to her arm she felt a lot of pain and tears started to well up in her eyes as she willed the pain to go away.

Dean saw how much pain she was in and pressed the call button above the bed to get a nurse. After the nurse gave Heidi some morphine, she took the dressings off and redid the stiches. She then put clean dressings on and gave her a prescription for Codeine and antibiotics. She then left to find out when Heidi could be discharged. That left me with some time to talk to her about last night.

Dean: 'Heidi, you alright?'

Silence.

Dean: 'Heidi?'

Tears start to form in her eyes, and slowly fall down her face.

Dean: 'Hey, you can talk to me you know, everything is gonna be okay.'

Heidi: 'I'm scared.'

Dean: 'Why? It's okay.'

Heidi: 'I'm scared that it will happen again.'

Dean: 'With the glass.'

Heidi: 'I didn't mean to do it, but afterwards, what I felt was something. . . pure. Like I was dreaming, I couldn't feel anything.'

Dean: 'What do you mean? '

Heidi: 'I don't know. But those feelings, they scared me. They terrify me, because I liked them. And I don't know how to stop them.'

Dean: 'Heidi, you are not alone in this. I am here for you, you know that right? And so is the rest of the team.'

Heidi: 'They know?'

Dean: 'I had to tell Michelle, but as for everybody else, they only know that you had an accident.'

Heidi: 'I don't know if I can tell them. They'll think I'm crazy, they won't understand-'

Dean: 'They won't if you don't tell them. I am going to be here for you, okay. For as long as you want me to, I will be here. But I know, that if the team knew what was happening, they wouldn't think you're crazy, they would be worried about you just like I am, and they would want to help you just like I do.'

Heidi: 'They wouldn't think I'm crazy?'

Dean: 'No, because you know what? Half of them are crazy themselves. Crazy covers a lot of areas, and you don't fall into any of them.'

Heidi: 'What am I then?'

Dean: 'Normal. You are normal. Lots of people feel the way you do, and they have managed to move past it by getting help. You started talking about it; that shows you are ready to get help.'

Heidi: 'I don't want this to happen; I just want it to stop!'

At this she starts crying and Dean knows that that is enough for today. He gets up and sits next to her on the bed, embracing her in his arms and just holding her, knowing that he doesn't have to say anything because she knows he is there and that he isn't going anywhere.

DEAN'S PLACE – DEAN AND HEIDI

Heidi was discharged later that afternoon. The doctor had given Dean instructions on changing the dressings and cleaning the wound every two days for a month; after that Heidi was to go back in so he could see how it was healing. They got back to Dean's house around 5pm. It was about 8pm when they sat down; Dean making sure Heidi was alright to continue their conversation from the hospital. One thing that Dean wanted to discuss with Heidi was what part Jordan played in this. He liked Jordan, treated him as a brother, but if he had contributed to the depressed state Heidi was in, there was going to be hell to pay. The one thing that Dean hated was when people messed with his team, his friends. He protected them as much as he could, so it made it worse that one of those people he would give his life to protect had done this to her. When Heidi confirmed to him that Jordan had set off these events, the explanation as to why only added to the anger that Dean was feeling.

Heidi: 'I thought that I could trust him. But now he's destroyed that part of me.'

Dean: 'No. No he hasn't, and you mustn't think that. You trust me don't you? (She nods) Good. That proves that he hasn't destroyed that at all. What he has done, he's made sure that you never trust him again. Him. That doesn't mean that you will never trust anyone else, because trusting me is step number one. And when you're ready, you will trust other people as well.'

Heidi: 'You're really good at this shrink stuff you know.'

Dean: 'Natural talent; I used to guilt Chase with it when he was a kid. He was an awful liar.'

At this she laughs, and Dean knows that some of the old Heidi is shining back through. He decides that it's time to talk to her about what she mentioned in the hospital. But before he says anything, she starts speaking. And it's like she read his mind.

Heidi: 'Those feelings, I don't want it to happen again. But I don't know how to stop them, and I'm not sure that I would be able to stop if it did.'

Dean: 'You will learn. Over time you will learn how to ignore them; how to push them away. And I will help you to learn. But the one thing that you must do is promise me that if these feelings come back, at any time day or night, you tell me. Okay? You tell me immediately and I will be there to help you. Promise?'

Heidi: 'I promise. Thank you.'

Dean: 'For what?'

Heidi: 'For everything. If you hadn't come over when you did, I probably would never have moved. I could have been dead.'

Dean: 'But you didn't die. Okay, you're still alive and will be for a very long time. Do you know why? (She shakes her head) Because you are stronger than that. You can beat this; I am telling you that you will beat this. You will because you want to, you want this to stop. And because if you don't I'll be dead as Vince will kill me for not protecting his Heidi-ho. '

They both smile, and Dean pulls her into a hug. They stay like this as Dean puts the television on, sitting back, Heidi feeling secure and comfortable in Dean's arms, Dean playing with Heidi's hair, happy knowing that she is safe with him, and knowing that hopefully, very soon they would have their girl back.


	3. Chapter 3

THE NEXT DAY – DEAN

Heidi and Dean had fallen asleep on the sofa the night before, still wrapped around each other. During the night, Dean had been disturbed by Heidi waking up. She was really hot and feverish so he used a cold flannel to keep the fever down, while also giving her some of the antibiotics that the hospital had given them. It seemed to work and she settled down again, falling asleep quickly due to the sedatives in the antibiotics. The next time that he woke up it was around half eight in the morning. Heidi was still asleep, so he made sure not to disturb her and got up. He took the discarded flannel and the bottle of antibiotics back into the kitchen and set about making a cup of coffee. Dean then went back into the lounge and sat down, moving Heidi's head slightly so it rested on his lap. He turned the TV on and put the volume on low so as not to wake her. She needed all the sleep she could get after the past thirty six hours or so.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS – DEAN AND MICHELLE

Over the next few days, they had settled into some sort of normalcy. Dean had talked some more to Heidi about what exactly had happened with Jordan, being careful so as not to make her upset. When he had heard everything he was so close to hitting the roof it was all he could do to not show the anger he was feeling to Heidi. He didn't want her to think it was her fault. After they had talked, he had called Michelle to check in and give her an update as to how Heidi was and when they would be coming back to work. He was also calling to ask how Jordan had reacted when he learnt that Heidi had been in the hospital. The response he got didn't surprise him at all.

Michelle: 'He laughed it off, said that it was typical Heidi getting herself into a silly situation. He didn't seem to grasp the seriousness of it at all, and Vince was ready to bite his head off I can tell you.'

Dean: 'I liked Jordan, hell I recruited him to Rescue in the first place, but after what he did I'm ready to kill him never mind Vince.'

Michelle: 'Dean, what do you mean? Is there something you're not telling me?'

Dean: 'Jordan's relationship with Heidi was never serious, at least not to him. It was all a joke. Heidi found out after he heard him talking to the surfer girl from the day the Army guys came for Lachie. It's what set the depression off.'

Michelle: 'Why would he do that! How could he do that! Heidi loved him, I thought he loved her.'

Dean: 'Yeah well, Heidi is definitely taking this hard. I don't know how she'll cope when she comes back to work, not with him shacking up with different girls every night. I don't know how she managed to hold it together this long.'

Michelle: 'Okay, Dean, I'll rearrange the schedule, make sure Heidi's not paired with Jordan. Just make sure that she's definitely alright to come back tomorrow. She can take some more time off if she needs to.'

Dean: 'Thanks Michelle. I'll talk to her; call you later when I know what's happening. See you.'

Michelle: 'Bye.'

They both ended the call and Dean went back into the living room where Heidi was, picking the dressing pack off the side to clean the cut and redress it. She was watching the TV; at least he thought she was, until he noticed her eyes were down, looking at the wound where she had taken the dressing off. He knew what she was thinking. He put the dressing pack on the arm of the sofa and walked slowly round so he was in front of her, and quietly and calmly said her name. She looked up at him, and Dean knew that it was okay for him to touch her. He took hold of her hands and held them, pulling her into him as he moved to sit on the sofa. She didn't do anything, just sat there in his arms, staring at nothing. He knew that she would come out of it soon, but until then all he could do was wait. She had done this when she had woken up that first morning after the hospital. It had lasted a few minutes and then she was okay, but Dean knew that it was probably the first of several episodes that were going to occur. He was thinking that she had done well to go a few days without having another one, when she moved slightly and he helped her into the upright position. She looked at him and he smiled at her.

Dean: 'You okay?'

Heidi: 'Yeah.'

Dean: 'I need to change the dressing, alright?'

Heidi: 'Yeah.'

Dean knew that she didn't talk much after she came out of it, but it still scared him to see her look so pale, and so lost. He went about cleaning and redressing the cut and afterward got Heidi and himself a drink. They sat watching the TV for a while until she fell asleep, and Dean reminded himself to talk to her about work when she woke up. It wasn't unusual for her to fall asleep during the day, she had been tired a lot recently, but he hoped that being back at work would help her get back into a routine, even if she would only be doing paperwork. He was glad even if she wouldn't be, because being at the station house would minimise her contact with Jordan and allow her to talk to Michelle if she needed to. He knew that being able to talk to another woman about Jordan would be easier, especially as Michelle understood from her fiasco with Johnson. He decided to turn off the TV and get some paperwork done that Michelle had given him to catch up on, and that he had deliberately left till the last minute knowing what a bore it was. But he had time while Heidi was asleep, and he didn't want to have Vince on his back when he returned. He knew what Vince was like with paperwork; it was important as long as he didn't have to do it.

THE NEXT DAY – BACK TO WORK – DEAN AND HEIDI

The next day Dean and Heidi were up and ready for work by eight o'clock. It was Heidi's first day back since the accident and so Dean was watching her carefully for any signs that it might be too soon. This would be the first time since last Tuesday that he or Heidi had seen Jordan, and he was trying to keep his anger in check for Heidi's sake. She didn't need him going off at Jordan and letting everything come out. What Heidi had told him was in confidence as a friend and he knew that she needed time to sort things out before anyone else, apart from Michelle, found out. He had spoken to Chase a couple of times: he had rung him to find out how Heidi was. As his brother, Dean found it hard having to lie to him but he knew that Chase would probably be the first person that Heidi would tell as they were so close. Heidi was like the sister they never had, and so he knew that when Chase found out, he was going to have to do some intervention between him and Jordan. Jordan was Chase's best guy friend so Dean knew that it would be hard for him to find out what he did to Heidi. It would be easier though, the fact that he lived with Lachie. Lachie has a calm enough head to be able to keep neutral in order to help Chase deal with it, while he helped Heidi. That's one thing he knew about his brothers: they wouldn't question him about keeping a secret like that from them because they would know that he did it for a good reason. They would understand that Heidi's feelings come first in all of this.

Heidi had been staying with Dean since that night. He had told her that she could stay with him as long as she needed/wanted to, though secretly he wanted her to stay so that he could be close to her to keep an eye on her. He was worried about what would happen when she lived on her own again, so he wanted to know for certain that she would be okay without his support every day. Heidi had decided that she wanted to come back to work today to see if she could handle being in the same place as Jordan while she was like this, seeing as he was the cause. Dean had talked with her about it and he had agreed that this week would be a trial basis. They would see how it would go and if changes needed to be made, they would talk to Michelle and see what could be done.

Dean: 'Hey, you ready.'

Heidi: 'Yeah.'

Dean: 'You alright?'

Heidi: 'Yeah.'

Dean: 'Heidi, what's up?'

Heidi: 'What if, at work, I can't handle them. The thoughts. What if I do something and I can't stop?'

Dean: 'You come and find me. If the thoughts come back you come and find me as soon as they do. If I'm not there you go to Michelle, okay. She will call me and I will come right back, no matter where I am or what's happening. It'll be alright, I promise. I won't let anything happen that you don't want to.

Once Dean had made sure that Heidi's anxieties were gone, he called Michelle to let her know that they were just leaving. He had decided he would so that when they got to special ops, Jordan wouldn't be there. He thought it would be better to let Heidi get settled with some work and have everybody else around so that when Jordan appeared she could be easily distracted if he saw her get upset. After he hung up he grabbed his car keys and went to get Heidi from the living room. He saw her looking out of the window at the ocean. A couple of days before, he had realised that watching the ocean had a calming effect on her and that she would do it if she knew she was working herself up or if she had just been panicking about something. It made him happy, knowing that she was able to work out a way to keep herself calm, because it showed that this was one thing that she was in control over and even if she didn't see it, he did. He saw that she was making progress, only in baby steps, but she was. He went over to her and she turned around to face him.

Heidi: 'I'm ready.'

Dean: 'I know you are.'


	4. Chapter 4

AT WORK, RESCUE SPECIAL OPS HQ – DEAN, HEIDI AND VINCE

Heidi and Dean arrived at special ops a little after quarter to nine. It was a bit later than they would normally arrive at work but Dean knew Michelle would understand due to the circumstances. As they got out of the car, they could hear the team laughing about something. They started walking into the garage which was the entrance for the patrols and the quickest way up to the bull pen. As they got closer Dean could see Heidi tense up and so took hold of her hand which made her turn and face him. He gave her a reassuring smile, and she smiled back but he knew that she was scared by the way she was shaking.

Dean: 'It'll be alright you know. They're the same people you see every day, the same people that you work with, the same people who are your friends. Nothing's changed; the only difference is that you aren't alone in having to deal with this anymore. With Jordan either. Now that I know and Michelle knows we can make sure that you aren't partnered with him for as long as you need. This isn't about him, it's about you and we will support you in this. Jordan has dug himself a hole that he can't get out of, not that he could get out of a hole without a map anyway.'

At this Heidi laughed and Dean embraced her in a brotherly hug that made her feel secure. Her laugh had also told Vince that they had arrived, and as he came out to greet them Dean and Heidi both looked up at the same time.

Vince: 'Well it's about time you two showed up. I've had to deal with this mob for a week on my own; I can certainly use the help right about now. Being team leader isn't part of my pay grade anymore you know.'

Dean: 'And you loved every minute of it didn't you.'

Vince: 'I sure did. Anyway I'm glad to have my Heidi-ho back, and you of course Dean.'

Dean: 'Thanks missed you too.'

Heidi: 'I've missed you Vince, even if he hasn't.'

Vince took Heidi into his arms and hugged her tight. He had missed having her around the station. She was becoming just like him in being able to toy with the other emergency services so much that they became confused as to what had happened. He was happy that she was the one to 'inherit' that off of him because he knew that she would be the one to put the skill to good use when needed. He was concerned when Michelle had told them that she had had an accident so he was relieved to see for himself that she was okay and was still their girl.

Vince: 'I swear Heidi, next time you have an accident make sure you come back to work the next day just to show us that you are okay. You nearly gave me a heart attack when Michelle said you would be gone all week, we thought that you were in the hospital or something.'

Dean noticed that Heidi didn't seem to change at all while Vince was talking, but she couldn't seem to answer him so he intervened and answered for her. After they had got the subject of them being away over with, Vince said that Michelle was waiting for them upstairs to fill them in on things they had missed which, he said, wasn't much. He said they would be up in a minute after heading to the locker room to put stuff away. There wasn't really anything to put away except for Heidi's medication, the truth was he wanted to know she was okay after what happened. Vince headed back upstairs letting the team know that they were here and Dean and Heidi walked straight on to the lockers where after putting the meds into Heidi's locker, Dean turned to her and she looked up at him.

Dean: 'You okay. He's the first person to mention about why we weren't here.'

Heidi: 'I am, yeah. It didn't feel as scary as I thought it would.'

Dean: 'So, you think you're able to face everybody else?'

Heidi: 'Yeah. Wait, is Jordan up there?'

Dean: 'No, Michelle sent him on a donut run. He won't be back for a while, since the usual donut place is closed for renovations. We thought it would give you time to get settled back into just being there with the rest of the team around, before you had to deal with him.'

Heidi: 'Thank you. I don't think I would have been able to do this on my own.'

Dean: 'Like I said, you aren't alone anymore.'

They both smiled and started walking to the bullpen.

Heidi: 'Wait, does Jordan know the donut place is shut?'

Dean: 'Nope. And the next one is about half an hour's drive. Pity Michelle forgot about that little detail.'

He gave Heidi an innocent smile and she burst out laughing.

HALF AN HOUR LATER – THE TEAM

Dean and Heidi had greeted the team when they reached the bullpen. Chase had picked her up and swung her around, glad to have her back. While they had been away, Chase hadn't had his best friend there to talk to and even though he had Lachie and the other members of the team, it wasn't the same as talking to Heidi. She understood him better than anybody, even his brothers. Lara and Michelle had hugged her, and Lara expressed how happy she was that Heidi was alright. Lachie welcomed her back and told her never to scare them like that again. Heidi had just smiled and said that she wouldn't, but Dean noticed that she was getting uncomfortable, and it became even more apparent when Lara said that Jordan was out and would be happy to see her. Michelle must also have noticed because she told everyone to get back to work and asked Dean and Heidi to come into her office to catch up on what they had missed. The real reason was to talk to them about what would happen with the rota (who would be paired with who) and also to find out how Heidi was.

That was half an hour ago, and now everybody was sat at their desks doing paperwork and talking about random things. They were doing this when Jordan came back, not looking to happy but still carrying donuts. Everybody had stood up and gone to get a donut while laughing about the fact that Jordan had to go all over town just to get them. Everybody except Heidi. When she saw Jordan come back and the rest of the team get up she had also gotten up but instead had gone down the stairs and headed to the lockers. She had thought that she could handle seeing him and had gotten herself mentally prepared. But when she actually saw him, she had frozen and knew that she had to leave before people started to notice that she was the only one who wasn't laughing about him.

She headed to the fire escape and made her way to the roof. Nobody ever came up here so she knew she wouldn't be disturbed. As she sat down, she could feel the tears start to come down her cheeks. She didn't wipe them away instead just letting them fall. Before Dean had found out, it was easier to hide the feelings and avoid Jordan. Nobody really paid any attention to it at all, but now that he knew, she knew that he would be watching her all the time for signs that she wasn't okay, him and Michelle. She was happy that she didn't have to be alone anymore but at the same time she wondered whether it would have been easier had it still been her secret. Then she wouldn't have to go and talk to a stranger about everything. She was thinking about all of this when she heard footsteps approaching her. She didn't look up, hoping that whoever it was would leave her alone even if it was Dean. They didn't. They came and sat down next to her and touched her arm, a gesture meant for her to look up and she obliged. It was Michelle.

Michelle: 'I convinced Dean to let me come and talk to you.'

Heidi didn't reply.

Michelle: 'I know that having people know about what's been happening is scary for you. You probably think that it would have been easier if we didn't.'

Heidi still didn't say anything, but was surprised by how accurate Michelle was.

Michelle: 'I want you to know that we aren't here to make things worse, we just want to help you. You can talk to us about anything.'

Heidi: 'I don't want to go and see someone else. To talk about this. I just want it to be you and Dean.'

Michelle: 'You mean a psychiatrist.'

Heidi: 'I know that Dean is going to bring it up soon, but I don't want to.'

Michelle: 'We can do that if you want, we don't want to force you to talk to somebody if you don't want to. Can you tell me why though?'

Heidi: 'I don't want to have to tell them everything. I don't want them asking me about what happened the other night.'

Michelle understood what she meant, and knew that maybe that option had been brought up a bit too soon. She made a mental note to tell Dean, and then turned back to Heidi. She was looking at the ocean. Michelle touched her arm again, and Heidi once again turned around to look at her. Michelle suggested they go back inside, and so they stood up, Heidi looking once more at the ocean before turning and walked back in to the building.


	5. Chapter 5

THAT EVENING – DEAN AND HEIDI

After Jordan had returned and Michelle brought Heidi back from their 'meeting' as she called it, the rest of the day was pretty normal. They had got a call out to rescue a group of drunken teenagers who had decided to have a party in a building that was scheduled to be demolished next week. The foundations were so weak that the vibrations from the music had made them start to crumble and before they knew it, the building came down trapping all twenty seven of the people inside at the time. There were a further fifteen students outside when the building collapsed, but were so intoxicated they had no idea what had happened. If it wasn't for an over-protective mother who hadn't spoken to her daughter in over three hours and who had her daughter's cell phone installed with a GPS they probably wouldn't have even got the call out since the building was quite isolated.

Dean and Heidi had gotten home a couple of hours ago, and Dean had noticed that Heidi was acting strange. At work, she hadn't gone anywhere that Jordan was and left the room if she was left alone with him. Lara had thought that they needed a chance to talk by themselves so had organised a time for them both to be alone together. It didn't work out that way though, and when Heidi had found out what she had done it hadn't gone down too well with her. She had pretty much shut down from there and hadn't spoken to anyone after that except for Dean. Michelle had told him to take her home early, telling everybody that she was tired as it was only her first day back. She hadn't spoken a word on the way home and Dean was concerned because she had been touching her arm a lot. He hadn't said anything to her though, deciding that he would see how she went over the next few hours. He hoped that she would come out of it, because if she didn't he would have to think about keeping her at home tomorrow.

They had been watching the television, well Dean had been. Heidi had been sitting there looking at the screen but not actually taking anything in. He noticed that she had laid her head back against the sofa before and just thought she was tired, but now he noticed that she had gone pale. He turned to face her and said her name. She turned to look at him and said her first words in over four hours.

Heidi: 'I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to look at Jordan every day without wanting to rip my stitches out and not tell anybody.'

After she said this, Dean turned the television off and turned back to Heidi. He moved closer to her and she rested her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair back off her face and let her finish talking before he said anything. She told him about her feelings when she first saw Jordan and about her feelings when she found out what Lara did. When she mentioned that, Dean admitted to himself that when he found out what she had done, he was shocked and also a little angry. Granted that Lara didn't know what was going on, he thought that she had more common sense than that. Like talking to him about it first. After she had finished talking Dean held her as she cried. He was concerned about her, knowing that this was the second time today she had cried about Jordan and also knowing that this could happen tomorrow, and the day after, even next week. After she stopped crying, she stayed as she was and Dean kept stroking her hair, soothing her as she calmed down. He noticed her forehead was sweaty and that she was quite cold.

Dean: 'Heidi, do you feel alright?'

Heidi: 'My chest hurts when I breathe in and I feel dizzy.'

Dean: 'Do you need your inhaler?'

Heidi: 'I took it before thinking it would help, but it hasn't.'

Dean knew that some asthmatics had adverse reactions to antibiotics; dizziness, difficulty breathing, sweating and cold extremities were some of those symptoms. They caused an allergic reaction in the lungs which caused them to fill with fluid. This generally resolved itself when the antibiotics stopped. Dean knew that the full course should really be taken to prevent infection, but Heidi hadn't shown any symptoms of having an infection, and the wound was clean. He made the decision to stop Heidi taking the antibiotics to resolve her breathing problems. He would monitor her over the next twenty four hours and see how she went.

He helped her get comfortable and switched the television back on for her, while he went to make them drinks. It pained him, knowing that she was in pain but that he couldn't stop it. Painkillers wouldn't help as the antibiotics would have compromised her ability to ingest them. It also made him angry that the situation with Jordan and Lara wouldn't have helped. She probably started to feel like this during the day which might have been why she was so quiet. He knew that she would be a bit better in the morning, as a night without the antibiotics would help her immune system get back to normal. He would see how she was in the morning, and if she wasn't up to it he wasn't going to let her go in to work.

He took the drinks through and settled back down with Heidi. She got happier mentally, as she sat with Dean listening to him criticise the mistakes that the actors were making as they tried to be ambos in the programme they were watching. She couldn't remember a time since she joined rescue that she never heard the team discussing the mistakes that the actors had made on some medical show the night before. She fell asleep thinking about that, and also wishing that things had stayed the same as those couple of years before she and Jordan had gotten together as a couple.

THE NEXT MORNING – DEAN AND HEIDI

When Heidi woke up, Dean was still asleep. She was thirsty and still a little tired but she noticed that her chest wasn't hurting as much as it was last night. She got up carefully so as not to wake Dean and made her way into the kitchen. She had been thinking about what had happened yesterday all night, it wouldn't leave her alone. The main things she couldn't leave alone  
were seeing Jordan and what Lara had done. With Jordan, she knew that she would be scared about seeing him but actually living it rather than just imagining it was much worse than she had thought it would be. However she was ready for that. She knew that it would be hard being around him, but Lara, she still couldn't believe what she had done. She felt like she had been betrayed by her best friend and it hurt her. Lara didn't know what Jordan had done, she knew that but at the same time she never thought Lara would do anything like that.

Heidi wasn't ready to be around Jordan alone yet and she didn't know when or if she ever would be comfortable with him again. She wanted today to go better than yesterday. She wanted to be able to go into work and do her job without running out every time she saw Jordan, and she didn't want things to be awkward with Lara. But she wasn't sure how to deal with that just yet. She decided to go and get showered and get ready for work just like she used to do by herself. She wanted to try and get some normalcy back into her life and the only way she knew how to do that at the moment was by starting with the small things, like getting ready for work without having a breakdown over it.

After she had gotten ready and came out of the bedroom, she noticed that Dean was up. He looked up from his coffee as she walked in and smiled at her. He was surprised that she was up so early and ready, so she explained to him why. When she had finished, he gave her a hug and she melted into his arms, glad to have that feeling of security and love around her. Dean felt proud of her, knowing she was trying to keep her life and not let Jordan take it from her.

He got ready and afterwards sat down to change Heidi's dressings. The wound itself was healing nicely and he knew the stitches would start to dissolve in the next few weeks. He also listened to her chest and was pleased that the fluid seemed to have gone down in her lungs, there was just a little bit remaining. She would have to be careful today to let the remaining fluid leave her lungs otherwise it could get worse again. After he was satisfied that she was in a healthy mental and physical state, he called Michelle to let her know that they would be in again today and that Heidi was better than yesterday. She replied that she was happy to hear that and said that she was looking forward to seeing them. Dean also asked her to tell the team not to mention what had happened yesterday so that Heidi didn't feel too overwhelmed again, and so that today was a fresh start. She said she would and then they both hung up.

Dean: 'Hey Heidi ready to go?'

Heidi: 'Yeah, I'm coming.'

Dean: 'You seem a lot happier today.'

Heidi: 'Yeah I am. I don't know why, I just feel different.'

Dean: 'Well it's not a bad thing. Now we better get going before Vince has a heart attack thinking we aren't coming in and he has to deal with 'the mob' on his own.'


	6. Chapter 6

AT WORK – THE TEAM

When they arrived Dean and Heidi were surprised to find that they were the first ones there. Michelle said that Vince was downstairs arguing with his ex-wife Vanessa on the phone over whose turn it was to talk to their son Sam about the all-nighters he'd been spending with his mates in the club, and that Jordan had called and said he would be in late. The rest of them hadn't arrived yet. Dean knew that if his brothers had been drinking last night which no doubt they were (post-successful rescue celebration) then they would be in late as well with hangovers he bet, and Lara was being fashionably late as usual.

They made themselves busy by continuing with their paperwork until the team started to arrive. Dean was right when he said that Lachie and Chase would be hung-over. They came in wearing sunglasses and with terrible headaches. They slouched over to their desks, sat down and laid back against their seats. Heidi started giggling, and both of them including Dean looked at her.

Heidi: 'I'm sorry. (She couldn't stop laughing.) But I can't help it. It just reminded me of last Christmas when you all got so drunk that Lachie couldn't stand up, Dean fell asleep in the garden and Chase started making out with the Christmas tree.'

At this she was in full hysterics and shortly after Dean joined in. Michelle saw them from her desk and came out to see what the commotion was. When she got to Dean's desk she saw Lachie and Chase and realised how drunk they must have got last night.

Michelle: 'You'll never learn will you?'

She was also referencing last Christmas. She joined in laughing and when Lara and Jordan arrived they were a little confused as to what was going on. When Heidi saw them her laughter faded and so did Dean's when he saw what she was looking at. Michelle turned around and walked over to them, still laughing a little, to explain. Dean reached over and took Heidi's hand. She looked at him and smiled.

Heidi: 'It's okay. I'm okay.'

Dean: 'You sure?'

Heidi: 'Yeah. Besides I think it's Chase who has the problem, he looks like he's gonna throw up.'

Dean: 'He'll be fine. What he needs is a few hours' sleep and a few days off the alcohol.'

Heidi grinned and they both turned back to their paperwork. Lara came over and sat behind Dean at her desk. Michelle had just asked her and Jordan not to mention what had happened yesterday to Heidi, as she was feeling better and nobody wanted her to lose her happiness. Lara was happy herself to hear Heidi laughing. She hadn't done much of that in the last few weeks so it was a nice surprise. She also realised that she had made a huge mistake trying to get Jordan and Heidi to talk. She should have known that maybe Heidi wasn't feeling well enough to talk to him about their relationship and that she should have waited until Heidi made the move herself to talk to Jordan. She made a note to not interfere like that again and take Michelle's advice to just act like it hadn't happened. She also made a note to apologise to Dean. She saw that he looked quite upset with her after he learned what she had done and knew that he was probably annoyed that she hadn't asked his opinion on whether it was a good idea. After all he was the one who had taken all last week off to look after Heidi so he would have known whether she was ready or not. She was mad at herself and wanted to make amends with them both as soon as she could so that things could go back to normal, and so she would have two of her best friends back.

Lara: 'Hey Michelle told us about Lachie and Chase. Typical of them.'

Dean: 'Yeah they're like teenagers who never grew up. I'm getting a coffee you want one?'

Lara: 'Yeah thanks.'

Dean: 'Heidi no caffeine I'm afraid, water?' (Caffeine wouldn't help her lungs as it was a stimulant so water was the best thing at the moment.)

Heidi: 'Yes please.'

Dean: 'Two coffees and a glass of water coming right up.'

Lara took this opportunity to talk to Dean and so followed him into the kitchen. He looked up when she came in and smiled.

Dean: 'Hey.'

Lara: 'Hey. Look I wanted to say I'm sorry, for yesterday. I didn't mean to go behind your back with the whole Jordan thing, and I didn't mean to upset Heidi either. I wasn't thinking. I just thought it was what Heidi wanted. To talk to Jordan privately about their relationship and everything. They've been pretty distant with each other lately so I thought it might have been good for them.'

Dean: 'I know. I accept your apology. But next time, please can you talk to me first? Heidi's just, not in the right head space at the moment. She needs some time to deal with some stuff before she has relationship talks.'

Lara: 'I understand. Jordan didn't look to happy about it either. Altogether, it was a bad plan.'

Dean: 'It's in the past now.'

He gave Lara her coffee and took his and a glass of water for Heidi back to his desk. She watched as he gave Heidi the water, and smiled at the way they interacted. She didn't know how but Dean was good for her. He cared about her and looked after her in a way that she obviously needed at the moment. She thought about that as she walked back to her desk and watched as Lachie tried to walk in a straight line to the kitchen to get some saltine crackers for him and Chase. He failed.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS

The next few days went pretty much the same. Heidi and Dean continued going into work with no problems, and everything got back to normal quite quickly. The only thing that was still an issue was Heidi and Jordan's relationship. She was still a little nervous about being alone with him and hadn't spoken to him properly at all, only really communicating when they had been in a conversation with other people. She had been trying to show Dean that she was okay and that everything with Jordan wasn't upsetting her as much as it actually was. She didn't want him to worry about her any more than he already was and that was also the reason why she hadn't told him about how sick she had been feeling recently. She had been feeling dizzy and nauseous and had had terrible stomach cramps. She knew that it wasn't that time of the month, so it was confusing her and also scaring her as to what it might be. She didn't want Dean to keep her home off work because she knew that people would start talking and wonder why she was off again. She still wasn't ready to tell anybody about the first reason and so didn't want anybody making guesses.

It was now Friday night and Dean had gone out with the others to the bar, she had opted to stay at home. She was tired and had told Dean that she was going to go to bed early. He had looked at her with that expression on his face that told her that he was concerned but he wasn't going to say anything. He had left a couple of hours ago and told her he might be quite late and would try not to wake her when he came in. She had been lying on her bed since then, curled up in a ball wishing the stomach cramps would stop. They had gotten worse recently and she knew that there was something definitely wrong. She had been sick a couple of times, and the next time she got up she realised that she needed a doctor when the bleeding started. She managed to call triple zero and when she knew an ambulance was on the way she lost consciousness.


	7. Chapter 7

HOSPITAL

Heidi had woken up in the hospital a few hours later. She had been disorientated and confused, and so when the nurse came in and told her what had happened she didn't believe it at first. When it finally sunk in she just sat there doing nothing. She could feel the tears fall down her face but didn't make a move to wipe them away. She heard the nurse tell her that they had called her emergency contact, which she knew was Dean, and that he was on his way. She still didn't reply. She heard the door close quietly as the nurse left but she didn't move, just sat there staring at the wall. She was still sat like that when Dean arrived.

FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER

He got the call when he and the team were in the middle of a friendly game of poker. When he heard it was the hospital he got up from the game and moved away, wanting some privacy. The only reason the hospital would be calling is if it was something to do with Heidi. He was the emergency contact for three people: Heidi, Chase and Lachie. Chase and Lachie were right in front of him currently fighting over whether Lachie was bluffing or not, so that meant it could only be Heidi. The worried feeling he got was only made worse when the nurse on the phone told him that she couldn't tell him what was going on as she thought he should hear it from Heidi. He told everybody that he was calling it a night and would see them tomorrow, even though he knew that he probably wouldn't. He arrived at the hospital in record time and found his way to Heidi's room. He knew it was bad when he saw her sitting on the bed with tears streaming down her face.

PRESENT

Dean entered the room and went and sat in front of Heidi on the bed. She moved her head so that she was looking directly at him. He wasn't expecting to hear what she said.

Heidi: 'I had a miscarriage.'

Dean: 'Heidi,'

She broke down. She started crying and couldn't stop. Dean took her into his arms and held her as she cried. He held her for what seemed like forever until she stopped and he knew she was asleep. He laid her back down on the bed and quietly left the room to go and speak to the nurse. The nurse said that she hadn't told Heidi the specifics yet as she wasn't sure how Heidi would respond. She told him that it looked like Heidi had been about eight to nine weeks pregnant which fit with her conceiving just before she and Jordan broke up. It wasn't uncommon for women to not know they were so far along in a pregnancy, some could go four months without finding out. Dean had to sign some paperwork that allowed Heidi to leave first thing in the morning and afterwards, went back to Heidi's room.

He sat next to the bed and watched her sleep, trying to understand how so much could happen to this one girl who had never done anything wrong in her life except get together with the wrong guy. He felt helpless, not being able to take away any of the pain he knew she felt and would feel when she woke up. He made himself more comfortable in the chair and settled himself down for a long night. He wasn't leaving Heidi's side for a minute until he could make sure that nothing else would happen to her to cause her any more pain. Right at that moment, he never felt so much hatred for Jordan in his life, not because he had gotten Heidi pregnant and started all of this, but because he knew that Jordan wouldn't care about the fact that she had miscarried. He never wanted to become a father, he had made that fact well known among everybody at the station and so knew that if he found out it would just add to his ego. Which is why he was determined that Jordan wasn't going to find out, not unless Heidi wanted him to know.

THE NEXT WEEK

It had been six days since Heidi had had the miscarriage. When Dean had brought her home, she had been better than he thought she would be. She hadn't sat for hours looking out the window not saying anything, and that was what he feared would happen. When that happened, it scared him because he didn't know what she was thinking or what she was feeling so he didn't know how to help her. All he could do was wait until she came out of it and just be there for her up till then. This time was different though. She had still been feeling dizzy when they left the hospital, but the nurse had told them that it would stop in a couple of days when she had recovered. Until then Heidi was to be watched closely in case she collapsed. She told Dean what had happened, how long she had been feeling sick and why she didn't tell him sooner. He had listened and not interrupted, and after she had finished he held her as she cried again.

Since then she had been okay. She stayed off work for three days, and Dean had just told Michelle that Heidi had gotten an infection because she had been doing too much and not giving herself time to heal and that the doctor had recommended taking a few days off to rest. She had gone back in on the fourth day and was strictly limited to extra light duties. Basically, she wasn't to do anything but sit at her computer and do paperwork. Heidi hadn't minded though; she said that she quite liked doing paperwork now; especially as it meant that she could take some of the pressure off of Vince, and to be quite honest, he had been in an exceptionally happy mood since Heidi had taken over that part of his job for him. Overall she had dealt with what happened pretty well.

Dean was even more proud of the fact that she had managed to go the past couple of days without letting Jordan get to her. He had been a typical jackass and had brought his most recent hook up to the station under the pretence of forgetting something. Really it was just to parade her in front of Chase and Lachie who had told him that he really needed to give women a break. They were also getting a bit annoyed with Jordan's recent antics and had already voiced their opinions to Dean, Heidi and the rest of the team. Michelle had agreed that if he kept it up she would have to talk to him again about the station being a place of work and not a show arena for him to parade women. They had had a good laugh about it while Jordan had been out with the same girl he brought in.

Later that evening the past couple of days had finally caught up to Heidi; she was so tired and exhausted that she had collapsed while they were cleaning up after dinner. Dean was stood right next to her so he was able to break her fall, and he took her into the lounge and sat her on the sofa. He got her a glass of water, brought it back in and supported her as she drank a little bit of it. Afterwards Dean decided that they needed some quiet time so finished clearing up, turned the television on and sat down next to Heidi on the sofa. She had pretty much recovered by the time they went to bed but had developed a temperature. That night Dean didn't sleep, instead going to check on Heidi every hour to see if her temperature had gotten worse. By the morning it had gone, just a repercussion of the collapse, and so he finally relaxed knowing that she was okay.

But he had no idea of what was going to happen two weeks from now which would reveal to the team Heidi's secret. He had no idea that everybody was going to find out what Jordan had done to her and he also had no idea that it would turn out to be the best thing that could happen. Because the event that will reveal everything will turn out to be the one thing that convinces Heidi to confront Jordan. It will help her to find peace and finally put to rest her feelings about him and the miscarriage and move on with her life. This event will help her to heal. And Dean will be there for her every step of the way.


End file.
